When the Boat Shakes

Where do I even begin? Well, I believe I've been with the Cross Movement camp since 1998 by divine appointment. (I guess that's a good place to start.) The crew will tell you the same thing. Aren't there just connections in your life that you know are heaven-made? I even tried to run away from the Cross Movement at one point. Word is bond.  Have you ever tried to run away from the very thing God was calling you to do?  I was like Jonah, yo. And I might as well have been in the belly of a whale as stank and lost as I felt.

At one point I was ready to pack up everything I own and start a brand new life in the Big Apple (i.e., New York).  Seriously. I was listening to some very foul advice from a few friends and family and was convinced that I should leave the Cross Movement and move away from Philadelphia.  Has anyone other than myself ever listened to bad advice? Well, thankfully, when we pray and ask God to keep us on the right path, He does that.  It was during a Bible Study in my home during this same time that the Phanatik dropped something that really rocked my world and challenged me to the core.  (If you are interested to read what he dropped, peep the "Follow God" devotion later on in the CM Spillage section.)

The gist of Phanatik's message (based on Numbers 32:1-19) was.... how can we be called to do something, be excited about it, jump on board the ship that's sailing along, and then want to abandon ship when the wind blows a little bit? Or how can we want to chart another course when the boat starts to shake?  The answer, based upon the text, was:  (1) Either we weren't really called in the first place, or (2) we aren't hearing correctly from God concerning our calling.

Quick Flash Back
I graduated from college with a bachelor's in administration (which is also my spiritual gift).  I studied both office admin and urban ministry because I've always desired and felt called to inner-city missions, since I can remember. So it was actually kind of crazy that not too long after I graduated from Bible school that I ended up climbing the career ladder at a major Fortune 500 company.  I was having very successful interviews for entry-level I.T. positions. (In addition to administration, I have a special gift and inclination with computers & technology; in fact, CM jokingly calls me "The Matrix.")  Well, the chemical company where I was at paid industry-standard salaries for computer professionals.  They are very "for profit."  But I knew from day one that's not where God had me to be in the long haul.  Yet, there I was.  What finally got my attention?

The Lord used several circumstances and events to get my attention, but probably the most pivotal was an Impact Conference I attended during December of '98 in Atlanta, Georgia (see impactmovement.com).  (Impact is a Campus Crusade ministry that believes in evangelizing African Americans, disciple-ing them, and then training them to be leaders in the community.)  During that conference I heard testimony after testimony of fellow believers who had "gave up" and purposely sacrificed successful and high-paying careers so that they could join ministries and organizations that were making a difference in people's lives.  They felt their lives, skills, talents, and resources could be better used by pouring into others, affecting others for God's Kingdom, and just serving in ways that are going to help the overall statistics of people in the African American communities and Hip-Hop Culture who are not successful in life.

I guess it wasn't like a "tremendous" revelation, where I saw lights flashing or heard an audible voice speaking to me or anything.  Because, like I was saying, despite how successful I was with networking and despite the favor God had granted me with several managers in various departments where I was working, I already knew that I wasn't supposed to be there, and I had already made my decision to resign.  Now don't get me wrong, I believe God used me where I was at my job "for a season" to be a witness and a testimony to my coworkers and friends there on the job.  I also believe God used me to impact my immediate supervisor and my manager too, who didn't like me very much, and she was probably puzzled at the doors God kept opening despite her attempts to keep me from advancing.  So God used the Impact Conference to more or less "confirm" what I already knew.  I was finally sitting still long enough to really process everything and hear from God who probably had been trying to tell me to resign long before I finally did.

Crazy?
So many people thought I was nuts when I resigned.  My family included.  I ended up taking a part-time job as the web developer for the SE Penn region of the American Red Cross (...and it's actually a testimony in itself of how God led me to that position).  This new job allowed me to work at home, and I had tons more free time to assist the Cross Movement with administrative tasks, most visibly the website.  It was a cut in salary, but I figured that if I had to work in the secular world to pay my rent, it might as well be for a nonprofit organization that was helping people.  Feel me?  (The American Red Cross actually puts a lot of today's churches to shame the way they minister to the needs of families in crisis situations.)

Now let me say right here and now that God doesn't call everyone to make this type of sacrifice.   God wants some of you saints out there in the secular workplace representin' His Name, amen? This is just my personal conviction and I hope I never push my personal conviction onto anyone else. I just know that I won't be happy unless I am living according to what I believe God has called me to do.

Even Crazier!
Well, if you thought I was crazy to resign from my job at the Fortune 500 company, then you'll really think I was off my rocker now!  After two years I resigned from my full-time job at the Red Cross and finally did what I should have did a long time ago.  I came on board as a full-time staff member with CM.  I had already been working with CM for 3-4 years, but I had always had a "second job."  My time had never devoted 100% to CM.  But then one day, it just seemed so clear to me that the need was simply so great of needing someone like myself working with CM full-time.  It was so clear to me that I could no longer deny that this was God's plan for me.  I felt so strongly about it that I was willing to work full-time for CM with or without a salary.  This was definitely God because only a year prior I was not ready to make a move like that.  Whenever the request or suggestion was made for me to work full-time for CM, I just didn't see how it could work out financially.  Either I did not have the faith or maybe God was still using me at the Red Cross during that time.  But in any event, just like before, God orchestrated things and I was confident to move forward in the path He had paved before me.  I gave my two-week resignation to the Red Cross and have been working full-time with Cross Movement Ministries and Cross Movement Records since 2000.

Years prior to making this decision, The Ambassador, who is President of Cross Movement Ministries, shared with me the vision of CM's Urban Learning Center, and like many others in our camp, my heart beat to the same vision.  I believe that I belong in that vision—at the very least helping our camp to work towards it.  And the Urban Learning Center is actually something I had always envisioned myself doing, teaching practical "Life Skills" classes and providing resources.  Even teaching seminars on how people can get jobs.  Offering free workshops on how ministers can block Internet pornography, etc.

Shocking Realities
After working with CM since 1998 I have come to discover that a lot of people have misconceptions about CM.  I think it's fair to say that a lot of people do not understand that Cross Movement Ministries is more than "a rap ministry" or a "rap group."  The group Cross Movement is just one of the many ministries that fall underneath of the umbrella of Cross Movement Ministries, Inc.  We develop evangelistic & discipleship materials (in partnership with the American Bible Society) in order to evangelize, disciple, and train leaders in the Hip Hop Culture.  And as I was mentioning earlier, we aspire to erect an Urban Learning Center here in Philadelphia one day.  These are just a few of the many goals and strategic plans we believe God has called us to do.  Cross Movement Ministries, Inc. is an international 501(c)3 nonprofit organization (i.e., tax exempt), and we are also recognized by the Pennsylvania Bureau of Charitable Organizations.  If this surprises you, you may want to click the "About CM" in the far-left menu on this website and read our goals and strategic plans for the future.

Another misconception people have is that we are rich.  Seriously.  I hear that a lot.  Yes, Cross Movement is one of the three evangelistic rap groups underneath the umbrella of Cross Movement Ministries.  T.R.U.T.H. and M.O.D. are the other two rap groups currently under our ministry umbrella.  But check it yo, we are not rich at all; it's the opposite (well, of course we are rich in one sense that we know and have personal relationships with God, but, you-know-what-I-mean).

I think people think the rap groups are rich from the albums that are made and sold  But that's a misconception!  As The Ambassador wrote in his letter that's posted on this Site, " don't let the CDs and music videos fool you!"  Now, I will admit that I was very surprised to learn that popular music artists out there today rarely make money from making albums.  In fact, most of them lose money!  Yes, even popular secular artists lose money from making albums!  The real money is made in the concert tours.  I never knew that.  Well, as some of you may know, the group Cross Movement desires to have concerts that our free of charge or as low-cost as possible (we have to work this out with each event sponsor).  Praise the Lord, most event sponsors do help us out so that the group Cross Movement can come out (i.e., gas money, van rental, or plane fare, food, and honorarium).

People say all the time that the group Cross Movement should charge lots of money for our concerts, but, we are listening to God, and we strongly believe He doesn't want *us* to charge people money to hear the Message of the Cross.  That has always been a conviction of everyone on staff.  So as you can see, the group doesn't get rich selling albums or touring. That being said, Cross Movement the group, Cross Movement Ministries, and even Cross Movement Records struggles at times.  Nobody in the Cross Movement camp is rollin' in dough.  We are very careful to make moves, not dictated by the world's standard or expectation, but by what we hear the Lord saying to us.  And check this out, although our road has been a road less traveled and recommended by many, God has always provided for us, often utilizing the Body of Christ, but using divine interventions too.  Because when you really think about it and look over different budget reports, it really makes no sense how it all works out for us all to be working in full-time ministry the way that we are.  But God looks out!

Please Pray
Please join us in prayer as we're believing God to continue meeting our needs.  There are so many goals that we have, and finances and support is a big key to some of the plans working out.  I'm praying that more saints and churches will read this and be led of God to donate online or contact our office and inquire about our needs.  I'm also praying that the Lord continues to send us more volunteers and interns to help with the workload.  We also could use the expertise of a few professional grant writers to assist us with writing grants.

My Prayer
"Dear Lord, like the others on staff with CM Ministries, I commit all of my talents, my gifts, and my abilities to you, Father God. You are my Employer. Without you I have nothing. No gifts. No smarts. Nothing. But with you, Lord, I feel I have everything. And most importantly, I have you as my personal Lord and Savior, and I have eternal life because I believe in You. Not a casual "I believe in God," but a belief so strong that my priorities and my life reflects that belief. So God, thank you for providing for me. Thank you for providing for Cross Movement Ministries and the entire Cross Movement camp and always lookin' out for us. Thank you for your unconditional love despite our human failures. And Lord, thank you for always having my back.  I am so glad I am a child of the Most High God!  Amen."

(Click here to read more about Jesus Christ.)

Peace & God Bless
Thank you for reading what I had to share and for praying for me and everyone in the Cross Movement camp.  If you feel led to become a supporter or partner with our ministry, please look for the "Support CM" link in the left-hand menu at the top of this page.  Peace & God Bless!

           —"jd"
           Originally written in November 2000

Related Links:

To contact JD, write to jd@crossmovement.org

To visit the Impact Movement, log onto http://www.impactmovement.com

To check out Phanatik's devotion that JD referenced in this testimony, click here

To read The Ambassador's letter that JD referenced, click here

To read an interview JD did with WTW Magazine, click here

For more information about Jesus Christ, please click here